I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
