So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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