Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
