a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
