anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
