So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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