Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
