Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
