I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
