I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
