I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
