you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
