U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i dont even know how to be here
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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