WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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