look no pants
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
