sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
