lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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