honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
