Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
