FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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