First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
