there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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