24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
