I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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