she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
