i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dick very happy bro
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
