where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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