Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
