I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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