Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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