Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
