dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
