Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
