Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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