Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
