Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
