he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
