At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
