my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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