if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I understand Curling. That high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
