so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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