my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
