I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
