Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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