If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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