Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
