Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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