yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
