Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found your dick twin last night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
