I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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