I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
